I am a sucker EVERY TIME! August 13, 2015

Every day I am a sucker!

In my head, I know that Disney Dad is a liar.  He is a liar and a cheat and selfish and uncaring. He has proved time and time again that he is conniving, manipulative, and a very good liar.

But, when we have a phone conversation, and work things out, I believe him.  I believe that he has my best interest at heart. I believe that he wants to do the best thing for our daughter. Why do I continue to believe him? When will I stop being so naive?

We were supposed to go to court on Wednesday to file the papers.  He said that he was really swamped on Wednesday at work and needed to reschedule for Friday.  I believed him.  I told him it was ok. I changed my plans to accommodate him. I find out later that he is leaving work early and has an “appointment”. I know he is up to something. It makes me feel foolish that I believed him that he was really busy and couldn’t make it.

We are supposed to ask each other when we spend over $100.  We agreed to this agreement.  It is in our settlement papers. I believed that he would stick to it. He called a cleaning service to the house I no longer live in to clean the house.  The charge is over $100.  This was not approved by me.  We did not discuss it. He just went and did something that I completely disagreed with. Also, somehow he is able to leave work and stay there for the cleaning crew to clean? Nothing sounds right and if it doesn’t sound true, it usually isn’t.

I have a bad feeling about all this.  Something doesn’t feel right.  It feels like he is planning something and I am going to get hoodwinked.  How did I marry someone who can be so deceitful and so mean? How did I not see this part of him? And when I am going to get it through my thick skull that he is really this yucky person and not the person I want him to be?

Today’s list:

1. Thankful for sadness.  While I am sad and teary today I know that it will lead me to healing.  I know without this sadness I would not be able to heal.
2. I am thankful for my amazing readers and their wonderful advice and support.  I could not imagine this journey without you.
3. The courage to get support.  I went to a divorce support group last night that had people from all different walks of life experiencing very similar circumstances.  I know I am not alone (even though sometimes it feels very lonely).
4. My parents who call me and tell me they love me and that I bring them joy.
5. My amazing friends who are a constant stream of never-ending support.

xoxo

Why Can’t We Just Get Along – July 27 2015

Why can’t we just get along?

For a few brief moments over the last couple of days, we did not argue, we did not fight.  Unfortunately the calmness was dotted with arguments and nasty behavior from Disney Dad.  Will he ever just be able to work with me or will the nasty Disney Dad always rear his ugly head?

I have a dream. A dream that I hope can happen one day. In this dream we are able to get along and do what is best for our daughter.  In this dream he can stop being angry and I can stop being sad and we can just both be happy in our new lives.  In this dream I will no longer yearn for the person I fell in love with and no longer hate the person I fell out of love with. In this dream we work together as a team making decision and working together to make our daughter’s life as full with love and support as possible.

I don’t know if this dream is possible, especially when Disney Dad is texting crazy demands (which he is doing continually as I write this post), but I can always be hopeful.

Today’s List:

1. The first one is a funny one.  So you all know that I am Jewish.  My non-Jewish friends have all encouraged me to bury a St. Joseph in the garden of our marital house to help us sell the house.  If you bury it upside down and facing the house, the legend says that the house will sell.  I took myself yesterday to a Christian supply store, bought the St. Joseph statue, and this morning I buried it upside down facing the house in the garden.  I video recorded me burying it and I said the Shema as I did it, just to add a little Jewish flair.  I will take help from all Gods in this venture.  I am not picky.  I hope it works.  Truthfully, I wish I was a fly on the wall when I saw Disney Dad’s face when he looked at our bank account and saw that I bought something at the Christian Supply Store. Lol!!
2. While it is upsetting that I have several friends who are also going through their own divorces, the comfort in their collective experiences has made me feel very supportive at a time that I could be feeling very alone.
3. The new house is no longer a secret.  I can now start telling people about it and start getting excited about new experiences to come.

Have a great day!!xoxo

Paranoia and Strength… July 17, 2015

Another day, another episode with Disney Dad.

I hope this is not what my future will be like.

For over the last week, Disney Dad has been asking me where the thermometer and the check book are located.  Since I haven’t been in the house, I assumed they were where they were supposed to be, he just wasn’t opening his eyes to look.

Every time he would ask me, he used this very accusatory tone, as if he was saying, “I know you took them and you just don’t want to tell me.”

Really, why would I take a $15 thermometer and the check book from the house?

Yesterday I had to drop by the house for a showing.  I knew while I was at the house I would look for the two items.  Of course, within five minutes of being there I found both of them.  The thermometer was in my daughter’s room behind her makeup box on her desk and the check book was on the floor next to some file folders. It almost looked as if the check book had fallen off the shelf.

I took pictures of the items locations and sent them to Disney Dad to prove that they were still in the house and I put them back in their rightful places.

Do you know what he did? He told me that he took a video of the house, that the items were not there, and that I must have stolen them and brought them back.  Really? For what purpose? At least if I was going to take something, let me take something good like my sewing machine!

I told him that he is wrong. I told him to open his eyes and look at his video more closely. He started accusing me and saying hateful things.

In the past, I would have let this argument go on.  In the past, I would have been upset about his accusations and started to cry.  In the past, his accusations would have really hit home.

This time, nope, I am not letting him effect me.  I actually thought he was being ridiculous, told him so, and told him that I was not discussing this anymore. He tried and I just dismissed him. Yeah me! Go me! Two weeks out of the house and I am getting stronger by the day!!

A friend showed me an article that came out in Huffington Post this week.  It talked about being married to the wizard from the Wizard of Oz.  Once you pull the curtains back, you see the little scared man you have been married to all these years.  I think I have done that. I think I have finally pulled the curtains back and am seeing him for who he really is.  A little man with low self-esteem who verbally abuses the people around him just to get his way.

Today’s List:

1. Shabbat dinner.  My favorite meal of the week.  It has always meant so much to me.  Today I will be enjoying Shabbat surrounded by friends who love me.
2. I started working out again.  Not heavy working out but enough to start feeling like I am getting back to normal. Walking, yoga, light lifting, all positive things to get me back to being me.
3. Happy puppy happy mama!
4. My parents received the calendar I made for them and they were so happy.
5. I met another man yesterday who was intriguing. We will see what happens.  Even if nothing does, it is fun learning about all these new people.

Have a wonderful day everyone!!xoxo

Life Insurance…July 14, 2015

Now we are getting into the nitty gritty details of the MSA.

Today’s topic of conversation is Life Insurance.  I am the owner of the policy. The policy insures Disney Dad’s life.  We have agreed that after the divorce 50% of the benefits of the life insurance go to me and the other 50% goes to his sister in trust for our daughter.  The term of the policy ends 5 years after our daughter turns 18.  Disney Dad informed me today that he would like my relationship with the policy to terminate when our daughter turns 18 and he is done paying child support. I think that since we have both been contributing to the policy, that I should be able to stay on the policy until it terminates.  Am I wrong? What do you think?

Today’s List

1. I stood my ground about the life insurance, even though I am not sure that it is the right thing to do. I didn’t let his anger back me down. We will talk about it tomorrow but if you all agree with what I am doing, then I will stand my ground (I think this is the final issue we will have).
2. I have another date.  I am excited. Same guy from Date 2.
3. I had my second session with the therapist today.  It went well.  It made me reflect on what a difference one week can be.  Last week when I saw her I was a crying uncontrollable mess.  Today I am much stronger.  Seven days can really change a person.
4. Disney Dad was supposed to order our daughter books to camp. He didn’t.  He said he wanted me to see if they were eligible for Amazon Prime, which is ridiculous since it would take him two seconds to look it up.  Instead of waiting for him, I said forget it and ordered it myself.  This way she will have her books and it is yet another addition to my list of why we are getting divorced. I am proud of myself for taking control of the situation and not allowing him to control it.

Feels like I am starting to take back control of my life.  I am no longer backing down.  It feels good to feel strong again. I am looking forward to reading your advice. xoxo

He AGREED!!!! …. July 12, 2015

You are NEVER going to believe this… I finally found my balls!!

We had three points that needed to be fixed on our agreement but Disney Dad was stubbornly not agreeing to them.  He was verbally abusive on the phone, saying terrible things to me and threatening to sue me for sole custody.

I had enough.  I wrote my points down to him in an email. I told him I would give him one last chance on the phone.  I told him that if he couldn’t make this conversation work, that I would be hiring a lawyer and would see him in court.  I meant it.

That’s the thing.  I have been threatening him this entire time, however I don’t think I really meant it until now.  I realize that deep in my soul I had to believe that I was ready and willing to get an attorney involved.  Once I believed, I had the courage to stand my ground.

The phone call happened.  He agreed to point number one almost immediately. Strange but I am not complaining.

He put up resistance to point two. I told him I would not bend. I stood my ground. I told him that at this point I see we can not come to an agreement so I think it is in both of our best interests to meet again with the mediator but to bring our own legal representation to the meeting.  He did not like this.  When I insisted that this was our next step whether he liked it or not, he folded and gave me point two.

For point three he started to make jabs at me. He tried to attack my character, to make me feel hurt.  What he didn’t realize is that I dressed that morning in a coat of teflon and that his words could not hurt me that day.  I told him that if he continued to speak to me that way, our conversation would end, I would put down the phone and hire an attorney. He caved. Point three went to me.

He complained that I was different. Complained that I was mean and that I had changed.  You betcha ASSHOLE!! I am strong now, I have balls, and I will never EVER let you treat me like that again.

Next step, make the changes to the MSA, get it signed, and submit it to the courts.  Let’s get this show on the road!!

Today’s list:

1. I am so PROUD of myself. I did it! I finally held my ground and stood up to him.  I DID IT!!
2. I am so thankful to my parents, therapist and friends who guided me through this process and gave me strength. I am mostly thankful to my parents who talked me through writing everything down. It was so helpful to have my talking points in front of me.  It helped me not waiver and become emotional.  It helped me stay on track and be strong.  My talking points were definitely what helped me get through this meeting.
3. I am happy that my daughter is still having fun in camp and is away from all this.
4. He let me lower the price on the house another $5,000.  Get this shit sold!!!

Sunday Funday!! Have a beautiful day readers!!xoxo

Silence… July 9, 2015

Silence.

I have not heard a word from Disney Dad.

In a way, it’s a beautiful thing. My heart is finally stopping to beat so hard and I have a little glimpse of what it might feel like when the divorce is over.

On the other hand, I am scared.  Silence may mean he is planning something. That something could be very very bad.

What could he be planning? I really don’t know. I checked our bank accounts and no money that I can see has been given to an attorney. Could the silence just be a reflection of his anger or could it be something more devious? I guess only time will tell.

Tomorrow is D-Day. By 12:00 pm if I have no response from him I will set the wheels in motion to retain an attorney. I have very mixed feelings about this. I tried to keep this away from the attorneys the entire time knowing that if we involved them things would get uglier, it would last longer, and we would be left with nothing buy lawyer bills. But, it has been 7 months, he is dragging his feet, and I feel like I have no choice.  On the other hand, it will be lovely to tell him every time he tries to threaten me that he needs to talk to my attorney.  It would be nice to have someone fighting my battle because I am tired, more tired than I have ever been.

When he says he will sue me for sole custody, I say talk to my attorney. When he says I am a terrible mother, I say talk to my attorney. When he says I am stupid, I say talk to my attorney.  Sounds like a dream come true!!

I guess time will tell.  Stay tuned…

Today’s list:

1. Today is another day I spend with my puppy. I love my puppy.
2. I have already worked out, showered both myself and the dog, started the laundry, and made a cup of coffee.  Not bad for 8:00 am.
3. I am meeting a friend for lunch.  Friends are wonderful.
4. My daughter is happy at camp and away from all this nonsense.
5. I am still standing my ground.
6. The sun in shining, and it is glorious outside.

Love you all my wonderful readers.  Have a beautiful and blessed day!xoxo

Crisis – June 17, 2015

Sunday I was in crisis mode.

I woke up to find out that my uncle has cancer.

An hour later my grandmother died.

An hour later my 12 year old confided in me that she has tried to commit suicide several times, even before the divorce.

It is now a couple of days later and this is where we stand…

Treating my uncles cancer, on hold for the week.

My grandmother’s funeral is this afternoon in Toronto.  My daughter and I traveled to Canada for it.  While it is always sad to lose someone, and my daughter is very sad about it, she lived to be 91, never had a sick day in her life, was very comfortable, and died quietly in her sleep.  Not a bad way to go.

And my daughter… well, I was shocked.  Her and I are so close and we share everything.  To hear that she has been so unhappy… I actually have no words.  My scariest moment as a parent yet.

She has now seen two therapists, both think that she is not at risk of harming herself.  Both think that she is sad about home life, drama amongst her friends, and losing people she loves in her life.  Both think she just needs therapy, not medication, therapy.  Lots of love and therapy.

She seems happier since she let this big secret out.  I hope I can get her the help she needs.

Just an FYI.  Do you know what Disney Dad did on the day she let out her big secret? He started a fight with her.  He continued the fight with her for most of the day. He took away all of her electronics for 2 weeks.  He should get an award for worst parent EVER!!!

God, give me strength to make it through this funeral, this divorce, and especially this crisis with my daughter.

xoxo